Someone famous once said that the power of a comment lies as much in who makes it as who hears it. Nothing could be truer than the things that kids say. To the unitiated and non-child-savvy, they seem totally innocent and devoid of deeper meaning. Hear them come out of your kids’ mouths though, and they have the power to make you cringe, duck for cover, scream or wish the ground would swallow you (or, in severe cases, all 4).
“Mommy, I don’t feel good” – most often heard at the *least* convenient moment – usually while out in public or in the car – this is normally followed by an attack of projectile vomiting of the highest order.
“Mommy, I need to go to the bathroom” – your child is most likely to utter this when you are stuck in a slooooow-moving queue; a crowded place (with the one exit located a 5-minute walk away); or in the supermarket with your trolley piled high.
“Look at the fat/short/tall/ugly person…” – usually accompanied by a pointing finger, this is invariably uttered at high volume within eyesight and earshot of said person.
Bang…crash…smash…”waahh…it was an accident!” – This usually means that a) your priceless family heirloom is now neither priceless nor an heirloom or b) an all-night trip to the children’s emergency room is imminent.
“What’s that smell?” If you’re the mother of an infant, this usually means that your younger child is in need of a diaper change and you are in no position to do so at that very second. Otherwise, this means that the person with stomach flu who is walking in front of you has had their cover blown, and probably wishes they too had a child on which they could blame their malodour.