Relationships Matter » Blog Archive » Long distance love

Long distance relationships are not easy. In fact they are very difficult. But if both of you are committed to the relationship, they can work. You just need to set parameters and rules that you will both adhere to. So let’s look at the vital ingedients long distance love require;.

Trust: Trust is important in any relationship, but in a long distance relationship, it is imperative that you trust your partner. If you have low self esteem, find it difficult to trust or doubt your partner shares your commitment to the relationship, do think very carefully before you embark on a long distance relationship. Remember, you will have absolutely no concrete evidence that they are where they say they are. You will have to take their word for everything, and if you believe you will feel paranoid that they are not being honest, then a long distance relationship is not for you.

You may think I’m being harsh. I’m not. I’m being straight with you. If you’re reading this because you are in or considering a long distance relationship, then I want to help you make yours work. Stick with me. One of the ways you can build trust is…

Communication: You should communicate every single day you are apart. Keeping each other included in your lives is easier if you regularly update each other with what you are doing. With all the mobile communication devices around today plus the availability of the internet, this shouldn’t be too difficult. Setting aside a daily time slot is one of the best ways to achieve this level of communication. It can be as simple as a “good morning” and “goodnight” text. You might send emails during the day, and speak on the telephone each evening. It’s not important how you communicate. It’s important that you do. Talk to your partner and decide what level of communication you are both happy with. If the distance between you involves different time zones, you will have to figure out a way to get around the time difference. It’s not impossible; if you both want it to work you’ll figure it out.

Meet in person: Whatever the distance between you both, you should aim to meet at least every two to three months. If you live closer and can see each other more often, that’s great. If you live thousands of miles apart, and think you’ll regularly have much longer periods of separation, be honest with yourself about your ability to cope with this. If your partner is in the Military, I realise you may be apart for a lot longer. Again, be honest with each other about your expectations of each other before you jump into the new relationship

The old fashioned methods can be the best: Do you remember the feelings of joy when you receive a surprise letter or parcel in the mail? Sending a surprise card or small package to your partner can be a lovely way to put a smile on their face. It doesn’t have to cost a fortune either. The best thing about these is that you can tailor them to your budget. The idea is to give your partner a cute little reminder of you and your relationship. A nice card with a picture or message which relates to a shared joke would do the trick. Perhaps a book they would enjoy with a hand written message inside. A photo of you in a nice frame. A webcam so you can view each other while you IM in the evenings. The possibilities are endless. Don’t do it too often either. You want them to be thrilled with the surprise, not angry that it is Thursday and they haven’t received a gift this week.

Plan: While you are apart, plan the next meet up together. Get excited about how many days there are until you next meet and cross the days off the calendar. Discuss what you will do when you are together. Maybe a concert or a movie you will both enjoy. Build up the anticipation ahead of your being together.

Get excited.

It won’t be too long before you see each other again. In between times, don’t stop living your life. Don’t spend every day pining, Get your friends together. Go out and meet new people. Take a new class, learn a new skill. Do something to make you happy. Buy stay true to your relationship. You’ll be rewarded in love. One day the distance between you will be no more and you can spend much more time together. When that time comes, your days will become much more routine. You can be sure your friends who live with their partners are envious of the excitement you feel in the days leading up to seeing yours. Make the most of the time you have.